Connect with us


Of propagandists on steroids and new 'miracle' promises – Zimbabwe Independent

THE nation was delighted this week to be reminded that we are led by miracle workers.

According to a cabinet statement, our government is about to build so many schools that teachers from around the country will be flocking to Zimbabwe to teach in our spare schools.

“To cater for the increase in demand for both primary and secondary education and ensure that no child walks more than 5km to school, the Ministry of Primary and Secondary Education intends to build 3 000 new schools by 2025,” the Misinformation minister Monica Mutsvangwa announced.

Unpatriotic people immediately brought out Western-sponsored calculators and pointed out that this means building an average of two schools a day.

After over four decades of miraculous leadership, why are people still in doubt? That we were promised 2 000 schools by 2023 in the 2018 election is neither here nor there. May we also not bring up that promise of free education by 2019.

People are allowed to make new promises once old ones run out.


Speaking of Mutsvangwa and miracles, we all ecstatically joined the minister in praying for the nation during a visit to a shrine in Odzi. The occasion was the celebration of the birthday of a church leader, Archbishop Mwazha, who turned a sprightly 103.

We all saw Mutsvangwa, in blue gown, swaying in the spirit and singing along to spiritual songs, praising the church for standing against sanctions.

The church’s head of publicity, Gwatirera Javangwe, seeing a fellow propagandist at the shrine, went into overdrive.

“Archbishop Mwazha always taught us to vote for Zanu PF. The church and government are one thing. I promise that we will continue working closely with our government. That’s our assurance,” Javangwe was quoted as saying in the Herald, the paper of absolute facts.

We are all grateful to see religious leaders upholding Biblical principles. Who can dare vote against a party that has been chosen in the spirit?

Tyson book

The whole world is gripped with anticipation ahead of the announced launch of what we are told will be a “tell all” book by Saviour Kasukuwere, the man who is so peaceful they named him after a boxer.

According to one of his minions this week: “We wish to give assurance to our growing list of potential Tyson supporters to be patient throughout this issues-based campaign like no other.”

We are happy to see Kasukuwere back on the front pages of papers. Some of us were beginning to miss the days when some newspapers became internal staff newsletters for Zanu PF factions.

Meanwhile, Muckraker is already joining the long queue to buy Kasukuwere’s book. We are sure there are many practical lessons in that book. It will have lectures on issues such as how to use clubs and machetes effectively and how to grab orange plantations and destroy them as quickly as possible.

Zacc shock

This week, the Zimbabwe Anti-Corruption Commission (Zacc) announced that it was surprised to learn that there was corruption in the allocation of agricultural inputs.

Zacc said it had “received an overwhelming number of reports from farmers across Zimbabwe complaining about the unprofessional way community leaders are distributing inputs for the Pfumvudza/Intwasa programme”.

Of course, it is a shock to everyone in the country that there is unfair distribution of seed and fertiliser in the country.

Zacc continued: “It is against this background that Zacc is strongly warning perpetrators of this criminal conduct that the commission will descend heavily on them, without fear, favour or prejudice.”

This is shocking lack of patriotism at Zacc. Come on, Zacc, what is the point of seed and fertiliser if we cannot distribute them corruptly? Is Zacc suggesting that inputs be distributed transparently to all citizens? Is that not against party policy? What would be the benefit of doing such silly things? Disband this Zacc thing immediately.

Power cuts

After many weeks of crippling power cuts, the government released a statement to ensure that there was no alarm and despondency.

“The technical team and management have been making concerted efforts to bring normalcy and enhance sustained generation … Accordingly, the power utility will further reduce load-shedding,” the government announced.

Statements such as these, coming from good, credible leadership, will always work in calming the masses in times of crisis.

This explains why, upon hearing promises that there will now be less load-shedding, Zimbabweans did what any sensible person who lives in the country would do: they began preparing for more load-shedding.

Boring report

The country’s owner will be disappointed to read a certain report.

This week, Muckraker found himself with more idle time than usual and read a report by a Western-sponsored NGO, the Crisis in Zimbabwe Coalition.

The report, called Plus a Change, The Second Republic’s Governance Performance Since 2017, aims purportedly to rate our current owner, Emmerson Mnangagwa, against our previous late landlord.

According to the report: “Based on key business and economic indicators useful for assessing the strength of the economy, the Second Republic scorecard has never been different from its predecessor.”

You see, this is why we are enacting patriotic laws to ban these boring NGOs, especially the ones that love crisis so much that they put it into their names.

This is a disappointing report for Mnangagwa. Saying he is the same as Mugabe is an insult when the man is trying as hard as he can to be worse.

Are you saying he is failing at that as well?

Continue Reading
Click to comment

You must be logged in to post a comment Login

Leave a Reply


Lewandowski scores disputed winner for Bayern over Dortmund – The Zimbabwe Mail

Bayern’s Robert Lewandowski, third left, celebrates after scoring his side’s third goal during the German Bundesliga soccer match between Borussia Dortmund and Bayern Munich in Dortmund, Germany, Saturday, Dec. 4, 2021. (AP Photo/Martin Meissner)

BERLIN (AP) — Robert Lewandowski scored twice against his former team for Bayern Munich to extend its Bundesliga lead with a contentious 3-2 win at Borussia Dortmund in “der Klassiker” on Saturday.

But Dortmund fans’ anger was directed at the referee, who awarded Bayern a penalty and denied their team another.

Lewandowski scored the disputed winner from the spot in the 78th minute, after referee Felix Zwayer awarded the penalty following a VAR check. Zwayer penalized Mats Hummels for handball after Serge Gnabry’s corner struck the Dortmund defender’s elbow as he appeared to stumble.

Dortmund coach Marco Rose was sent off with his second yellow card for protesting.

“It’s just a shame that such a game is decided like this,” Rose said.

Earlier, Dortmund captain Marco Reus had a penalty appeal waved away after a tussle with Lucas Hernández.

“You can give it,” Bayern’s Thomas Müller said of what looked like a push in Reus’ back from his teammate.

“That’s the bitter thing, that such an intense game is decided by that,” Müller added. “So I can understand the anger. But I can also understand the referee in the individual situations.”

Zwayer said he saw Hummels’ elbow make contact with the ball, but he wasn’t sure whether the elbow was in or out, so he checked the video footage. He said it wasn’t necessary to check Reus’ penalty appeal because he had a clear view of the incident and the video referee watching in Cologne did not contradict his decision.

“I had a very clear and unambiguous impression that was ultimately checked and also confirmed on the monitor in Cologne,” said Zwayer, who had allowed a free-flowing game.

After Lewandowski’s penalty, the match resumed to whistles from the home fans – just 15,000 due to new coronavirus restrictions. Dortmund had to cancel and refund all 67,000 it previously sold for the game.

Lewandowski’s second goal – his 16th of the season – dealt Dortmund its first loss at home and left it four points adrift of Bayern after 14 Bundesliga rounds.

It was Bayern’s sixth consecutive win over Dortmund and it puts the Bavarian powerhouse on course for a record-extending 10th consecutive title.

There was a lengthy hold up in the second half following a serious clash of heads between Dortmund goal-scorer Julian Brandt and Bayern defender Dayot Upamecano. Brandt was carried off, while Upamecano continued.

Brandt set the tone for a thrilling game with a fine goal in the fifth minute, when he eluded Alphonso Davies by playing the ball between his legs and then fired it inside the top right corner.

Bayern looked uncertain after the setback, but Müller chased down a poor touch from Hummels and then held off his former teammate to set up Lewandowski, who equalized with a tidy finish inside the near post in the ninth.

There was no respite for either team as the game resumed at a furious pace.

Dortmund had the more clear-cut chances, but Kingsley Coman scored a minute before the break with a deflected shot after Raphaël Guerreiro’s attempted clearance was inadvertently blocked by Hummels.

Erling Haaland equalized after the break with a curled shot in off the far post, his 11th goal in eight Bundesliga games set up by Guerreiro after a mistake from Upamecano.

Dortmund’s luck changed when Reus’ penalty appeal went unheeded shortly afterward.


The onset of winter brought a flurry of goals on Saturday, when Patrick Schick scored four to help Bayer Leverkusen consolidate third place with a 7-1 rout of helpless Greuther Fürth.

Schick needed only 27 second-half minutes for his four-goal haul, the league’s fastest since Lewandowski scored five in nine minutes against Wolfsburg in September 2015.

Fürth extended its desolate Bundesliga-record run of defeats to 12 straight, while the promoted team’s solitary point is also a record after 14 rounds.

Bochum won in Augsburg 3-2, and Mainz dispatched visiting Wolfsburg 3-0. Hoffenheim came from behind to beat Eintracht Frankfurt 3-2, and Arminia Bielefeld fought back against visiting Cologne to draw 1-1.


Continue Reading


Mourinho's Roma loses 3-0 to former team Inter Milan – The Zimbabwe Mail

Roma’s head coach Jose Mourinho walks during a Serie A soccer match between Roma and Inter Milan, at Rome’s Olympic Stadium, Saturday, Dec. 4, 2021. (AP Photo/Andrew Medichini)

MILAN (AP) — Roma coach José Mourinho had a nightmare match against his former team as the capital side lost 3-0 at home to Inter Milan in Serie A on Saturday.

Hakan Çalhanoğlu, former Roma forward Edin Džeko, and Denzel Dumfries scored in the first half. It was the first time in Mourinho’s career that one of his teams was 3-0 down at halftime.

Mourinho answered only one question from journalists in his news conference.

“I apologize again for not responding to other questions. I’m just going to say what I think,” Mourinho said. “Inter is better than us on a good day, they finished with 29 points more than us last year and also this year they’re better.

“On a good day it would have been a difficult match, but today it was even harder because of absentees.”

Inter moved to second in Serie A, a point behind AC Milan after the Rossoneri beat Salernitana 2-0 to move to the top of the league. Napoli dropped to third, two points below Milan, after losing to fourth-placed Atalanta 3-2.

Roma remained fifth.

Mourinho steered Inter to the treble of Serie A, Italian Cup and Champions League success in 2010. He took over at Roma in the offseason but has had mixed results. Roma has lost four of its past six league matches.

Inter opened the scoring when Çalhanoğlu curled in directly from the corner flag. The lead was doubled in the 24th minute. Çalhanoğlu cut inside from the left and pulled the ball back for Džeko to sweep into the top left corner. Džeko didn’t celebrate against the club he left in the offseason.

The Nerazzurri had the result virtually wrapped up by halftime. Alessandro Bastoni whipped in a cross from the left for a diving header from Dumfries at the back post.


Two goals in the space of five minutes saw Atalanta recover from 2-1 down to win in Naples.

It was only Napoli’s second league loss.

Ruslan Malinovskyi gave Atalanta an early lead but goals either side of halftime from Piotr Zieliński and Dries Mertens put Napoli ahead.

However, Merih Demiral fired Atalanta level in the 66th minute and Remo Freuler netted what was to prove the winner shortly after.

Duván Zapata had a header come off the post for Atalanta, which also had a penalty revoked on video review.


Milan dominated against bottom-placed Salernitana but lost another player to injury.

After Rossoneri defender Simon Kjær was ruled out for the rest of the season during the week, forward Pietro Pellegri came off early against Salernitana.

Milan was already 1-0 up by that point after Franck Kessié fired home after Rafael Leão cut the ball back from the byline in the fifth minute.

Alexis Saelemaekers doubled Milan’s lead in the 18th with a powerful strike. He celebrated by running to the touchline and holding up a shirt with Kjær’s name on it.


Continue Reading


Coronavirus LIVE Updates: India Reports 3rd Omicron Case, Gujarat Man Who Returned from Zimbabwe Tests Posi – News18

genome sequencing, after he tested positive for COVID-19 on Thursday, it said. Gujarat’s Commissioner of Health Jai Prakash Shivhare confirmed that the man was found infected with the Omicron strain. Earlier, two persons had tested positive for this variant in Karnataka. In the last 24 hours, India recorded 8,603 cases, as per the health ministry’s data.

Authorities across the world are rushing to stem the heavily mutated Covid-19 strain’s spread amid warnings that it could damage the global economic recovery. As concerns grow, the parliamentary committee has recommended that the efficacy of Covid vaccines must be evaluated and concerns with regards to the new strain developing immunoescape mechanism critically addressed. Meanwhile, Canada has confirmed 15 cases of Omicron variant of coronavirus and the public health officials told Reuters, severe illness trends across the country could start to rise once again.

The Parliamentary Standing Committee on health, which presented its report on Friday, also recommended that the government should conduct more research and examine the need of administering booster doses of vaccines to contain the new strain of the virus. In its report, the committee said it apprehends that a rise in mutations in the virus may lead to reporting of more virulent and transmissible strain of the Covid virus in the country and strongly recommended the Union Health Ministry to adopt a zero-tolerance COVID-19 policy and closely track Covid cases across the country.

The World Health Organisation said that the Omicron variant has been detected in 38 countries but no deaths have yet been reported so far. The UN body has warned that it could take weeks to determine how infectious the variant is, whether it causes more severe illness, and how effective treatments and vaccines are against it.

Amid growing concerns, the new Omicron variant of Covid-19 could slow the global economic recovery, just as the Delta strain did, IMF chief Kristalina Georgieva said Friday. “A new variant that may spread very rapidly can dent confidence and in that sense, we are likely to see some downgrades of our October projections for global growth,” she said at a Reuters event.

Read all the Latest News, Breaking News and Coronavirus News here.

Continue Reading


One Zimbabwe Classifieds | ZimMarket

Zimbabwe Market Classifieds | ZimMarket

1 Zimbabwe Market Classifieds | ZimMarket

Linking Buyers To Sellers Is Our Business Tradition